


Why Spider-Man Shouldn't Have Social Media

by Grettkit



Category: Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Gen, Instagram, based off a tumblr post, it doesn't work out well, mentions of ned and may, peter started social media
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-12
Updated: 2018-07-17
Packaged: 2019-06-09 04:42:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15259677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Grettkit/pseuds/Grettkit
Summary: Peter starts an instagram account for his alter ego. It goes about as well as expected.





	1. Peter Parker and How Sleep Deprivation Negatively Affects One's Life

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Concept: Peter Parker making a Spiderman Instagram account...](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/397155) by racing-faster. 



> I wrote this after I found a tumblr post that I thought was funny. I didn't mean to steal the idea or impose on it or anything...

Being a sixteen year old superhero, like how Peter is, he gets bored sometimes. And he likes taking pictures. Mostly the pictures. That’s how the whole instagram account started. Peter wanted to share the documentary he shot during his trip with Mr. Stark to fight Captain America, so he took the little chunks of footage that didn’t include his face and posted it onto his new account, spiderman_no_joke, without captions. 

The next morning, Peter woke to find his new instagram had many followers. Like millions upon millions of followers. Indulging his intrigue, Peter checked some of the comments, most of which questioning whether he was the real Spider-Man or not. He decided to answer their question. Donning the mask and not bothering with the rest of the suit, Peter started a quick video.

“Hello people of the world who are following me. I am the real Spider-Man. Uh, I just thought this would be a fun thing to do….oh and please don’t ask who I really am guys, that’s not really something I wanna share. So, yeah.” He felt that was a good enough explanation to start off with, so he posted it, once again without a caption. 

Over the next couple of weeks Peter continued to take videos of him Spider-man-ing around or pictures of him in funny positions or the bad-guy-of-the-week to warn people to avoid him, the posts now gaining his trademark Peter Parker snarkiness and sarcasm. His account quickly rose up through the ranks of instagram. Eventually spiderman_for_real surpassed tony_stark_official, which landed Peter in a meeting with Mr. Stark about the proper etiquette of having a social media presence. Not that his mentor really knew anything about it, based on his not-all-that-appropriate posts. 

Meanwhile Peter Parker’s personal instagram had suffered due to his other account’s popularity. The at least weekly posts of school happenings that he also used in the yearbook started to dwindle. The occasional personal rants that used to be sprinkled in with the entirety of the Midtown high school experience increased to the point that that’s all he posted. Peter’s account had officially turned into a finsta. 

The night after he had another run-in with Doc Oc, Peter had gotten home at 3am with a lit test in the morning and all he wanted to do was sleep. So of course, in his misery, he takes a picture of himself with the dog snapchat filter, himself looking like a kicked puppy, and typed up the caption “God isn’t it so great that my life is falling apart!!!!! It’s so fun!1!1! Ned is ignoring me for whatever reason and May is stressing me tf out and my goddamn internship is going to actual fucking shit everyone hates me and that’s fine!!!!!!! Fuck me I guess !!!!!111!!! I’m gonna die alone :-))))))))” and pressing post without a second thought. Peter falls asleep immediately after.

‘Who the hell is up at….six in the morning?!’ is Peter’s first thought when his phone is so rudely notifying him of a call. Nonetheless he groggily answers it, “Hello, this is Peter.”

“Kid, it’s Tony. What the hell was that post on your Spider-Man account last night?!” The yelling did help with waking up the sophomore a little more.  
Yet, he’s still in a confused state of mind thanks to the mere three hours of sleep he achieved. “Whaddya mean? I didn’t post anything on that,” he weakly protested. 

“Well, you did. How do you not remember it!” Still, Mr. Stark continues with the yelling. 

“Alright, alright, hold on while I check this out.” Mr. Stark did not, in fact, hold on, but instead opted to still be mad at Peter. Very loudly. With the proclamations of his stupidity still blasting from his phone, Peter pulled it away from his ear and exited his phone app in favor of opening instagram. 

What he found was instead of putting the shitpost up on his Peter Parker account, he had posted it on his Spider-Man account. “Oh fuck!” He shouted. The post was a clear picture of his unmasked face, albeit with a filter, posted for all his 100 million followers to see. He muttered, “oh shit oh shit oh shit,” until he deleted the post. Going back to the call, Peter said into the receiver, “I am so sorry Mr. Stark, this will never happen again. Did I ruin my life? How many people do you think saw it? Oh, Aunt May is going to /kill/ me!”

“Kid, you are screwed.”


	2. Peter Parker and Why the Before School Rush of Students Sucks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He gets to school...yeah that's all that happens really.

“Thank you so much for that vote of confidence,” Peter responded. An awkward pause followed which allowed said teen to continue talking. “If that’s all Mr. Stark, I think I’m going to go back to sleeping.”

Stark just responded with, “Sleep tight, kiddo,” before hanging up.

A little background on Peter’s current relationship with his aunt: she doesn’t know about his side job. Well, his side job to a nonexistent main job, that is aside from being a high school student. Anyway, the only people who knew about his identity were Mr. Stark, Happy, and Ned, and Peter would like to keep it that way, thank you very much. Also, as far as Peter knows, Aunt May doesn’t follow Spider-Man (or even Peter) on Instagram, so chances are she didn’t see the post. Chances are also in favor of someone having taken at least one screenshot of his shitpost, so everyone will most likely eventually see his most heinous slip-up.

_Now is not the time to be using Bill and Ted language,_ Peter mentally degrades himself as he slips back into unconsciousness once again.

****

Peter definitely does not feel ready or in any way prepared to face the day, more specifically anyone at school who may have seen the post, when his alarm actually did go off. However he couldn’t miss this test so reluctantly the teenager got ready for the day. Knowing he had some extra time before he actually had to leave for school, Peter put on his spider-mask to make a quick insta-vid. “Alright guys, I fucked up. I realize that. The, um,” Peter paused to clear his throat,” picture I posted last night was supposed to go on my personal account. I don’t know if this is something I should apologize for. This video kinda has that feel, but like the most harm it probably did was making someone choke on their gasp, so sorry about that. Actually, it hurt me too. I was not expecting to get yelled at so early in the morning, I think my ears are owed an apology from Mr. Stark. Anyway, I just ask anyone who may have taken a screenshot or in some way saved the pic, to please delete it. But, uh, that’s all I’ve got. Bye for now.” Peter ended the video with his hand covering the camera on his phone.

When he had imagined his unmasking, he had pictured it being all dramatic, with tears all over the place. But right now, in this situation, where he was outed, (not that way, he’s still fully in the closet about his sexual preference, thank you very much) because he was too tired to realize he needed to switch instagram accounts before posting the most pathetic picture maybe ever taken of him, he ended up in hysterics.

Throughout his whole walk to school, Peter kept on reverting back to thinking this whole predicament was the epitome of humor.

His laughing stopped when he finally approached the building and his mirth was quickly replaced with nerves. Peter had no doubt in his mind that at least one person had seen his face on the spider-man account. And knowing his luck, it would be Flash.

As Peter entered, he was too busy trying to figure out how many dick jokes one can relate to Spider-Man that he missed some of the looks he was getting throughout the hallways.

That is until he heard the sing-song voice of none other than Flash project for lots of their classmates to hear, “Oh Penis Parker! You’ve been busy!” That was Peter’s cue to rush away from his peer as fast as he could in a crowded hallway. Plus they shared first period together, so it’s not like he would be able to avoid him for very long. “Is good ol’ Spider-Man trying to escape my grasp?”

That caused Peter to freeze right on spot. Flash had seen the picture, and he just announced Peter’s secret identity to a large chunk of their school’s population. _Oh shit_ , he thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't really plan on continuing this. It was more of a one-shot thing, but it was like the only thing I've written that people actually somewhat liked, so why not? I don't know if there's going to be another chapter because I don't really have a direction and I'm really bad at writing insults (as you can see) or being witty so.... we'll see where this goes. Thanks for reading (and maybe drop a comment? b/c that'd be lit)


End file.
